el_M: In the moonlight...

Friday, August 24, 2007

My birthday was yesterday...

Dis year's birthday hasn't been the best I had, especially so in view of what has happened just a few days back... (I'm still recovering from the loss... so yah...) But it has been the most comforting one I have ever had...

No birthday cakes, no birthday song... Got some birthday SMSes, some wishes on Facebook, n some whu wished me when in school... Thanx guys, really appreciate that...

It was just a simple dinner, of good (but not remarkable) steak in Shashlik, which kinda relieved my memories of young, in those 2 occasions whr my family ate thr... Gave me a feeling of warmth, that kinda feeling that no matter how I have grown up n changed, there r some things still the same, and worth going back for...

The same thing when I went up Mount Faber... It was just like 1 year ago, going up thr with the very same person... that person who I can proudly say is my best friend... U noe, I really owe you one for last night, n dunno how I can ever repay you for that... Thanks

Yah... that friend... one that has shown me that in my darkest hour, she will be the one to lend a listening ear, and a helping hand... When I thanked her, I really meant it from the bottom of my heart, and all she said was "Hey... Ain't that what friends are for? I'm just here for you when you need..."

Yes, my friend... Thank you so, so much... It has made me felt so bad for having made fun of you n teased you time and again, just cos I like to see your cute expression when you get irritated by me... I'll try not to do that too much to you from now on ok?

So that has been what I experienced this birthday... Really, no presents can ever be as great as knowing that you have a friend who will always be there for you when you need...

Thanks, Xinyi... Thank you so, so much...

Dennis ~ 6:40 pm

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Dennis, you may give yourself a pat on the back...

You have done well in the past 2 days, keeping yourself strong in this mess n gloom, and being there as a pillar of support for your family which needed you so much... Please do stay strong, while you wait for your cousin to return, and eventually put the past behind you... Your birthday should be spent happily, so there...

Zicong, this might be the last message im sending out to you b4 i put it all to rest... You had a tough life, although im sure a meaningful one of 24 years... It is really unfortunate for this to happen to you when you are at your happiest... I guess soon, its time for you to leave us forever, but I want this promise from you... Wherever you are, Zicong, please bless all of us, your family... Please watch over your sisters and ensure no harm comes to them... But no worries, I will do my part in taking care of them too, this I promise you...

After the ceremony, you will be leaving, and this time it's not different continents, but different worlds altogether... So please take good care of yourself too... I will pray for you...

Guess you are happy that im still standing, n not that affected by your passing... I know, life has to go on, and rest assured that I will put it all behind me, in a special place in my heart, for you...

Bon voyage my friend... I pray a safe journey for you...

I will be strong, and not falter... so to all my friends, dun worry about me...

Dennis ~ 2:49 pm

Monday, August 20, 2007

It has been 15 hours since I heard the news, but till now, I still can't fully digest it... To say heartwrenching is mere triviality, n only till now do I find the courage to spill it all...

Wad de hell had u done my fren??? To throw your life away at mere booze??? Why could such a horrendous thing happen to you??? Why did u just leave us here, picking up the pieces u so cruelly shattered??? WHY???

I know, you won't be able to read the birthday card I sent you, you won't be able to read what I pen down here, you won't be able to hear the hysterical cries of your mum just this afternoon... and probably, you won't be able to hear my prayers to you in the funeral to come...

All the talk now, all the advices I have given you, they seem so mundane... meaningless even...

Didn't you tell me that you enjoy your life so much there in Adelaide? Didn't you tell me that you have to repay all that your parents gave you? Didn't you want to come back to Singapore so that we can hang out for supper or pool? WHY DID YOU GO JUST LIKE THAT???

I detest the way you had been yanked away so quickly, without warning... I dislike the fact that I won't ever have the chance to talk to you, or meet up with you again... And I just can't stomach the way you left... Knocking yourself unconscious just for mere booze? RUBBISH!!!

For hours, I could not feel... Even for the several times I teared, it didn't manage to completely wash away the sadness... It just keeps coming!!! I don't know how much am I able to cry for you... Think there's no other way but to keep praying...

Now I know why people say life is so unfair... You weren't some criminal or felon that deserved that kind of death! You? of all people? I can't... just can't believe it...

I'm tired... tired of seeing all the gloom today, tired of having worried for your family, and tired of having grieved so hard for you... I think I will need a good rest, with hope that tomorrow will be better...

Rest assured that your parents are coming for you already... As I write this, they will be on the flight bound to Adelaide... You won't be lonely no more... Please bless them on a safe journey, wherever you are right now... Bless them for a safe journey back, and please come back with them as well...

I don't know what to say no more... Can only pray...

Love,

Your dear cousin Dennis

Dennis ~ 1:27 am