el_M: In the moonlight...

Monday, October 31, 2005

Think i gotta fix a consultation wif dr ti, cos i got a simple qn... but i dun think he will be able to ans also... but well yea... try la...

de qn is...

All my frens saying they undergoing high level of stress... but they nvr specify de magnitude nor say whether its NORMAL STRESS or SHEAR STRESS!!! so how to solve de problem??? like... u wuld wanna ask me how much force required to keep their spinal cord n neurons intact... but without de necessary values, how do i calculate??? Use Navier-Stokes equation???

bleah...

Dennis ~ 10:27 pm

Sunday, October 30, 2005

i've got LIFE man!!!

gonna spend my Deepavali... IN SCHOOL!!!

now tts LIFE!!!

rite...

Dennis ~ 5:56 pm

Saturday, October 29, 2005

thr was a show abt depression on tv todae... they showed a family whu r really in deep doo-doo due to mental illness of some sort happening to like every member of de family... wad more, they r poor, nearly like beggars! feel sorry for them...

but wad caught my attention was their description of depressed ppl... n i seem to fit the bill, nice n snug!!! shd i seek professional help or wad? seriously, i dunno... but i hope dis real shitty episode of my life will end asap...

these days have been cool, windy, rainy... just hope de wind will blow, and de rain will wash, together, all the stress n worries i have right now... but yea, sounds like im daydreaming huh?

just gotta hang on... try not to lose wadever hope im clinging to right now...

signing off~

Dennis ~ 1:34 am

Friday, October 28, 2005

things r really not looking good for me...

1. Long weekend completely burnt... just for a STUPID survey... placed n due at a horribly wrong time...

2. Gonna even have to stay in sch for tt survey... ON A PUBLIC HOLIDAY!!!

3. Wireless internet connection at home SUX BIG TIME!!! Imagine ur com fluctuating in n out of connectivity in mere seconds!!!

4. Exams coming, n im nowhere near prepared for it!!!

Hope no more SHIT comes my way... DAMN!!! Think we just gotta be more smart n discerning before taking such so-called "lobangs"... Grr... STUPID SURVEY!!!

Dennis ~ 4:23 pm

Monday, October 24, 2005

Disclaimer: el_M is in a really bad state of mind at de time he wrote dis, so if u find dis entry excessively sad, dun cry, dun worry for el_M... somehow or other he may have felt better... or maybe worse... just pray for better...

i just cant describe de feeling im having now... some sense of longing... being left behind... im lagging in everything!!! cant imagine so many of my classmates pushing ahead of me, talking in "language" tt i have to take EONS understand n hopefully use... im so blardy screwed in moi studies! dis just keeps depressing me further n further... am i able to make de cut one day? get de end result tt i truly wan? judging from de look of things, i seriously doubt so...

being chided of not putting enuff effort... well i noe naught to say to tt... many a time ppl dun care a damn of how much effort u put into something u do, but whether u have achieved de end result tt they expect frm u... to de ppl whu have put so much of ur hopes on me... im sorry!!! ive let u all down!!! think im not as "zai" as u all thot i was... nid a break, but for all ur sakes... mebe i will try to hold on... but dun ever ask me to relax again... cos all i nid is to relax for just a short moment to make myself feel much worse n guilty...

i have seriously let my frens down for not being there for them... dun think i deserve to have any true frens or relationships, looking at de effort (or simply de lack of effort) tt i put in... im an intovert - tt dun like to open up...mebe for fun's sake sometimes i do make myself time to have fun wif ppl... but as long as i have remembered, all de frens i noe come n gone, having lotsa fun at first but stopped toking aft some months... i witnessed myself being part of some group of pals many times, just to see them forming a click, without me, whu just kept straying away... is it just me? or wad? do i have to really reaccess myself on this? how shd i do to make myself qualify for a more long-term kind of friendship? HELP ME!!!

im really sick of all these now... everything just wanting a piece of me n stuff... not being to manage my life well...

so well, so much for giving happiness to others... seriously dennis, how de hell wuld u wanna give other ppl happiness if u arent happy in de first place???

Dennis ~ 12:47 am

Friday, October 21, 2005

Lets think abt dis qn... r pandas endangered?

No...

We see soooooo many pandas in NUS nowadays, and de population is increasing at an exponential rate... even ur el_M here is in de stage of morphing into a panda!!!

SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!

Dennis ~ 4:07 pm

Thursday, October 20, 2005

even if its so darn dark u cant see... as long as u believe in the light, u will see it eventually...

even if ur at the worst time of de month, de year or ur whole blardy life... dun worry, it can onie get better...

dennis, GAMBATTE!!!

Dennis ~ 2:42 am

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

after a good dose (or is it bad?) of Happy Tree Friends Theme and Elmo Song today... el_M was horribly jolted back to reality...

yea de harsh reality of life... ure supposed to live up to some predetermined expectations, and u r expected to change urself... possibly to even show a false front... just to make ppl happy... im seriously not tt kinda person!

things r rather... censored in dis world... things r not shown in full light, to give the full picture... i thought i could just keep myself frm falling into this shit by saying wad i wan... doing wad i wan... but sadly..............

i cant do wad i wan! muz keep reminding myself tt i onie have 24hrs a day... at de rate im going, instead of 7hrs of sleep a day as we all shd have... i onie have 3hrs! whr got time to do wad i wan?

i cant say wad i wan! we see bloggers getting charged today... whu noes wads gonna happen... well, mebe u can see me in jail tmr perhaps for saying dis... yea... but other than dis, i was told to keep a restraint on myself todae! but... i just wanna say wad i wanna say, y blardy bottle up??? im not hurting anyone wif my words! just tt sometimes ppl may disagree wif my point of view?

im certainly not a saint... i cant just be happy always and always give ppl happiness... just like how i want it to be... sometimes i thot of dis ideal world tt everyone will be happy n contented... wouldn't it be nice? but yea... back to reality, this kida idealised notion DOES NOT EXIST!

y cant we all be happy? even if we are, y is happiness onie transient? is thr such a thing as eternal happiness? sometimes i wonder...

Dennis ~ 3:00 am

Sunday, October 16, 2005

yea... increasing entropy... the 2nd law of thermodynamics... but at least ts wad i think the law of the world we're livin' in is... things do get complicated...

this law does apply to NUS as well... i think of myself as someone whu has been forced out of my protective shell into this complicated world... though im not facing all these 1st hand, and really wun wanna face such things... can fate be tt lenient on me as it has been since?

ppl ard me have been nice... i say really nice! i have had a really enjoyable time ard the ppl ive seen these 2 yrs, and have been blessed not to face any complications in human relationships... but sadly these things have to happen to some of my dear frens... those ppl whu i cae abt...

ppl confide with me their probs... is it bcos im a good listener? to many it may be a really good feeling to listen to ppls problems... but to me i muz say, it sux... i dun blame it on anyone or wad... but imagine when u hear frm a fren whu u care abt such bad things happening to them... do u feel sad?

not all ppl in dis world are good... thr r evil selfish ppl too... even without these evils, thr r misunderstandings btw good ppl too... sometimes i lament y must all these things appear! cant the world be simple? simply love?

yea this world is... sadly... very complicated... makes me feel like crawling back to my shell n hide... but maybe i dun nid... cos im lucky to find an abode in this cruel world whr i can hide in... for many i think u noe whr that place is... tt is one place in dis cruel world whr i can feel love n happiness...in this place, entropy law does not apply... althou i noe tt thr r many such abodes ard, am lazy n scared of stepping out to find... maybe i have to waid for tt day when i get forced out to start searching... but i believe it will never happen...

CSC RoX! hafta count my blessings to be part of this family... yea...

Dennis ~ 1:15 pm

Friday, October 07, 2005

wow it has been a tough week for me... so much stuff i did... but yea, thou tough, it was enjoyable haha...

just a recap of wad has been done...

meetings after meetings for jam x... except tt got 1 head's msn meeting which i pontanged hahahaha... soree la... was too tired to think tt time... i slept thru n didn log on to msn... n onie remembered abt it nxt day... but well, things gonna soon come to a close for tt stupid sponsorship issue for jam x... really happy abt it...

schoolwork has been REALLY SIONG! remember having to stay up till like... 4am every nite! got lab, tests, tutorials, webcasts... sianz... but good la... i cleared most stuff liao... onie got a lab report to do, 2 tests to study, 3 tutorials, 4hrs of webcasts, 5... erm... wadever... think i shd not say anymore abt this lest i get demoralised again...

had an interview... hope it all goes well...

i actually went for a RUN!!! think i onie to tt once in gazillion years... make me feel fit again... me n some CSC-ians went running out of school to west coast park to play in de playground! sounds like truancy hor? not happy report me lar! hahaha...

think my coming weekend will be burnt again... when will i be able to go sentosa? or go chiong? or anything other than school? haiz...

Dennis ~ 4:57 pm

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Well...

sometimes, wad i wan r so close... yet so far...

wad shd i do?

Dennis ~ 10:32 pm